


Just Simple

by Bramblepelt



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, TAZ Lady Week, robot existentialism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-17
Updated: 2017-02-17
Packaged: 2018-09-25 03:33:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9800903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bramblepelt/pseuds/Bramblepelt
Summary: Work for TAZ Lady Week Day 5: AngstNoelle's life was simple. N0-3113's is anything but.





	

It wasn’t very long ago she was a simple farm girl who spent her days working for the simple family business. Her life was simple, she had a simple childhood, and it seemed her future was something she simply didn’t have to consider. Noelle Redcheek had a mother and a father and brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles and cousins, and enough grandparents she wasn’t sure which ones she was actually related to. Everyone contributed to the family business in one way or another; picking apples, watching the children, making deals with vendors, filing taxes, there were so many different ways for someone to contribute.

 

Noelle got to make deliveries. Once she was old enough she took over for her great uncle whose back was becoming a bit too creaky to carry the barrels. The work was scary at first. Meeting so many new people and going to far off strange places could be overwhelming for a young halfling.  But once a sour faced bartender knew you were the one bringing his customer’s favorite brew in, you became the most important person in Faerun. Soon enough those faces became as familiar to her as the faces of her own siblings. And life became a simple routine once again. 

 

Noelle’s life was simple.

 

Life for N0-3113, however, was anything but.

 

N0-3113 was living a life that didn’t feel real. Truly, it felt like a life that shouldn’t be. This feeling wasn’t so difficult to source. Having your soul pulled forcefully from the afterlife has its repercussions. 

 

But it started so much the same, as if she was unknowingly falling back into her old ways. N0-3113 was more than happy to be keeper of the lab. She had her duties, she had her companions, and life continued to be simple.

 

She missed that.

 

She’s grateful for everything everyone went through for her. She’s grateful for Tako, and Merle, and Magnus for convincing the reaper to let her stay. She’s grateful to The Director for finding a purpose for her here. She’s grateful to Carey and Killian for treating her like nothing less than a sister. N0-3113 is so, so thankful. But she misses the simplicity of robotically floating through day after day.

 

Mostly, she misses sleep.

 

She can’t sleep anymore, you see. Powering down is different. There’s no dreaming, no soft memory of a life that will continue when day breaks. It’s a bit scary, actually, and she prefers not to experience it whenever possible. What comes from the soul and what comes from a living body is still a journey of discovery. No sleeping means infinite time for thinking. She didn’t do much of that when she was alive, her mind was occupied with trade routes and market figures and the occasional book on advertising strategies. Noelle didn’t think much about herself, but N0-3113 has more than enough time to do just that.

 

When the base goes dark and her companions are cuddled together in their bed, she thinks. Initially she would spend time trying to recall more memories of living. Small snippets were still available to her in full vivid color, memories of a home and a purpose. Enough to make her consider finding home again. Maybe the family could use a robot worker? Maybe her mother and father and siblings and cousins would be relieved to know she wasn’t alive but she wasn’t dead either? It’s a nice thought to have. It’s a naive one too. She has to stay here until the reaper returns for her one day. She has to repay everyone here.

 

She banishes those thoughts.

 

Training is her favorite time of any day. She is reminded she is part of something important. She has her friends and she’s grateful she can still feel friendship. She doesn’t want to overanalyze these moments, but the quiet nights rather force the issue. When Carey and Killian hug her she swears she can almost feel it like warmth on soft skin. When Angus cheers her on from the side she feels something like an invisible heart beating faster in resolve. When she barely dodges a punch from Magnus or a spell from the other two she feels what can only be described as a burning in a stomach she doesn’t have. N0-3113 almost feels  _ alive _ . 

 

She lays blame on the team building exercise at the retreat. Killian had to give her constructive criticism and all she had to say was “You should let yourself just be you more. We like the real you!” It was a statement that came from a kind place. It shook N0-3113. She didn’t know how to take that. What WAS the real her? Who? Was there even a real N0-3113? Was it Noelle? This statement was confusing. She was tasked with giving Carey the same treatment and came up short. Too preoccupied with this sudden break in her own identity. 

 

“Sometimes you spread your attention too thin. Maybe try focusing on individual targets more often?” It was a critique Carey was given often, nothing really insightful here. The dragonborn gave a quick ‘yup, that’s me!’ face before everyone made their way to the next room. On the outside she was all high fives and fist pumps as the natural ritual of the group entailed. Inside she was a mess.

 

Waking up in Carey’s body only made it that much worse. Flesh and blood, real eyes, sense of smell, a small pang of hunger for food, balance no longer automatically calibrated but depending on the appendage on her back, a need for rest and a general feeling of vulnerability. There was too much sensory input and not enough time to take it all in before being thrust into the next challenge. And the difficulty curve was like hitting a brick wall. Still, they persevered. They always did, they were team Sweet Flips and nothing could slow them down.

 

There was a strange relief in returning to her own shell. A sort of comfortable hominess she had never felt in her chassis before now. But while making their way back to their cabin, the feelings began to set in. The very simpleness of breathing and walking and really feeling what she touched had been given back to her. The emptiness inside her metal frame had a new echo she couldn’t stifle.

 

Tonight Killian can’t sleep. She stays up with N0-3113 and the two chat in the gym about anything. She asks N0-3113 if she misses Lucas. N0-3113 hadn’t thought of him much lately. She hopes he is doing good like he promised. He had a lot to make up for, intentions be damned. She has some small affection for him though, one she thinks is from free will and not any sort of conditioning on his part. N0-3113 is pretty certain she has free will, she explains.

 

Killian goes very quiet for awhile.

 

“N0-3113, do you remember at the summer camp, when we all switched bodies? And I was... in you?” she asks awkwardly. N0-3113 nods the large metal box everyone considers to be her head. “It was….I don’t know. It was cold. It felt weird not, well, feeling anything. It was terrifying! I know the whole time I was yelling about your badass indestructible body but in my mind I felt so alone.” Killian looks at her friend for a moment, her lip twitching slightly before continuing. “If that’s how you feel all the time...I just want you to know you’re not alone. When I said be yourself, I meant whatever it is you’re feeling. If you’re angry or sad or need to be afraid or anything you can be that around us. We love you, girl. Does that...does that make sense?”

  
N0-3113 nods again. She feels like now would be a time to cry if she could. Instead she leans her body against Killian’s shoulder and says “Thank you.” There’s nothing else to say just now. She still doesn’t know what living means for her, or if she’ll even figure that out before she walks back to the astral plane. For now though she has her friends and her purpose and she has a deep understanding she couldn’t have possibly achieved in any other way. And for now that will have to do.


End file.
